By Julie Cohen, PCC
A client called me last week stressed and upset. A romantic night out with her partner had devolved into a disagreement over her work. It started the way it usually does for this client—she was late for their date and all of her reasons why did nothing to assuage her partner’s feeling that she valued her work more than their time together.
Their plan was to meet for a drink at 6:30 near both of their offices. She knew she had to leave work at 6:15 to be on time, yet at 6:10, she was in the zone–responding to emails, returning phone calls, writing a report, and crossing more and more off of her to do list. She was feeling accomplished and productive, and reluctant to stop quite yet. Why not squeeze in one more call?
At 6:14, she figured she could tap out one more email. 6:20 came, and she thought, “I can take a cab instead of walk, and do one more thing.” At 6:35, five minutes past when she was due at the bar, she was still crossing things off her list. My client arrived for her date a half-hour late, and her partner was annoyed and disappointed.
Who hasn’t felt like my client at some time? Who doesn’t like crossing things off their to-do list? And that rush of adrenaline that fuels our energy and productivity can be a positive motivator to keep going…in the right circumstances.
The problem is that a constant mindset of needing to get one more thing done in that last remaining second can set you up for overwhelm and burnout. It impacts your ability to take care of yourself, and as happened with my client, can strain your relationships. It’s also detrimental to your rest and relaxation. And it’s self-defeating, as there will always be one more thing to do.
So how do you let go of the seduction to squeeze in just a bit more? First you need to determine if there is a negative cost. For this client, that was easy. Her fights with her partner and their impact on her relationship were the cost. Another client I coach experienced a similar problem around turning off her work. She couldn’t relax and enjoy her leisure time. During her down time, she constantly had an unpleasant feeling she called revving—a sense of being on edge, just waiting for something productive to do.
What impact does doing one more thing have on you, your relationships and your overall satisfaction? If your answer to this question concerns you, consider changing your thoughts and actions when you find yourself in one-more-thing mode. Here’s some guidance for change:
Do you ever feel like you’ve done enough?
Whether you’re working on your professional or personal to-do list, when do you feel it’s okay to stop for lunch…for the day…for the weekend? If you can’t answer this, spend some time thinking about how you want to transition from accomplishment mode to experience mode. If you’re always doing what’s next, you’re likely missing out on what’s now.
Practice changing a habit
Even if you believe it’s important to change, you’ve likely gained a lot by being so productive, so it may feel uncomfortable initially to be more deliberate about shutting down. You need to identify what you will gain from this change. Most likely, you will experience something else that is important to you. To get started, put some structure around an ending time…schedule it in your calendar with a notification, put on a timer that will require you to get up to physically turn it off, or get support from a friend or colleague to commit to a firm ending time and actually stop.
Focus on quality not just quantity
Although it may feel good to get a lot done, if those activities are not tied to your priorities and what is important, you are using energy and time unwisely. Make sure you’re spending your time doing the right things, not just things. It may feel counterintuitive, but you need to take time out of your busy day to plan for how you can best spend your time. There is not a one size fits all planning process – you need to take some time to pause from your getting things done mode to choose what is important to accomplish. I start my workdays by answering this question: what three things do I want to accomplish today that will make my day successful, productive and satisfying? I write those items on my office white board and make sure to look at it a few times a day. Even though it feels like I might be doing a hundred things each day and letting go of a hundred more, if I get those three done, I know I’ve moved forward with my priorities.
Develop a done ritual
To help ease the transition from full speed ahead to embracing down time, determine what assists you in slowing down. One of my clients uses a 45 minute commute home to go from her executive self to her home/family self, so she does not feel like she is going from 100 miles an hour to zero as soon as she walks in the door. She listens to relaxing music, notes at least one success from the day and plans her priorities for the next day. When I leave my home office for the evening, I shut the office door as a reminder that I do not want to go back in until either my son is in bed or the next morning; and I leave my phone on a shelf by the front door with the volume and vibrations off.
When attempting any type of behavior change, remember to proceed with an attitude of experimentation. Test out your new approach and see how it feels and if you have a better experience or enhanced results. Being able to pull away from doing one more thing can have far reaching benefits including increased energy, better sleep, enhanced focus and productivity, and greater overall enjoyment. Pay attention to what happens when one more thing becomes done for the day, and let me know how it goes.
