By Julie Cohen, PCC
One of the questions I am most often asked by clients and participants in my trainings and workshops is a question I often shy away from. As a coach, I am used to being the one who asks the questions to help others come up with their own best answers. But, I actually have an answer to this oft-asked question. So for the question: What is the one piece of advice you would give to help me be better at my job, be a better leader, be more satisfied with my work-life balance? Regardless of the second half of the question, my answer is the same. If I only was able to give just ONE piece of advice for anyone seeking greater effectiveness, leadership impact, satisfaction or work-life balance it would be this – PAUSE. So, with that, here are 10 times you can pause during your day and what you gain from doing so.
- Before you get out of bed. Acknowledge that it is the start of a new day and that you can impact what lies ahead. Think about how you want to approach the day ahead and one important thing that you want to accomplish in the next 12 – 16 hours.
- Before you leave your home. Once out of bed, many of our mornings include a rush of activities – shower, gym, dress, helping others get ready, feeding pets…the list can be very long. Instead of rushing out the door to a car, train or walk, take a breath or two and make sure you have what you need as you transition to a different phase of your day.
- Before an important/critical meeting/conversation – or actually before any meeting or conversation. Instead of rushing to what’s next on your schedule, pause to answer these questions: How do I want this interaction to go? What is my preferred outcome from this connection? When you have some clarity on what you want to gain from the event and what you want for others, you can enter the interaction with a focused mindset to figure out how to achieve what you want for yourself and others involved.
- When someone shares something meaningful or important with you. People love being heard. It makes them feel important and it shows them that you are paying attention to them, care about them and are really listening (instead of thinking about your to-do list or what you are going to say next). Next time a friend, colleague, boss or stranger says something that is meaningful, take a breath and let them know you heard them by commenting on their experience instead of continuing on business-as-usual.
- After an important meeting/conversation. So often we run from one meeting to another or to an event, meal, conversation or interaction. We never really finish with what were doing before we start what is next. After your next meeting, pause to capture what you accomplished, any follow-up activities and/or just to clear your head so you can focus clearly on what is next.
- When you feel angry, annoyed, frustrated. Negative emotions often hijack our plans, leading us to a spiral of reactive behaviors, ruminating on what’s wrong and feeling like someone else is determining our success and happiness. When you feel that emotion arising, that a pause, which can be as simple as one breath, but may feel as difficult as stopping a tidal wave. If you can do this and slow down, ask these questions: What do I need now? What can I do to change direction? or how can I productively address what is causing me this feeling? You may not be able to answer these questions and solve everything or anything in the moment, but you are likely to change directions and temper a possible outburst or reaction that will not serve you.
- When you feel like you absolutely cannot pause. Whether you’re overwhelmed, insanely busy, feeling crazed or any other word we use for a non-stop day or week, this is when a pause can be most valuable. A few seconds, or a few minutes, can get your intense energy and stress into a calmer place enabling you to feel more in control of your day instead of your day and calendar in control of you.
- When you experience joy, success, accomplishment. The pause for successes is just as important as the pause for challenges. Often we are our own best critic and our worst cheerleader. We expect ourselves to do great, well and good. So we don’t pause to acknowledge our own achievements. The next time you feel or do something good or great, pause, realize it and identify your role in making it happen. What did you do to create that success? Cataloging yours skills, strengths and victories will remind you to use those competencies again and again.
- When you come home. Another important transition that gives you the opportunity to determine how you want the rest of your day to be. Whether you pause in your car in your driveway, before you put your key in your door or while you’re changing from work clothing to jeans, think about how you want to re-integrate back into home life. What energy and experiences from the day do you want to let go of, and what and how do you want to engage with others around you or on your own?
- Before sleep. Take a minute or two and reflect back on the past 16-18 waking hours. What am I grateful for and what do I need to let go of? Going to bed with gratitude and a quiet mind will enhance a good night’s sleep.
Although this seems like a lot of pausing, it could be just 10 minutes a day, spread out in breaths, breaks and reflections. Pick one or two to get started and let me know how it goes.
